I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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