You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
