I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
