I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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