We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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