can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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