God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
