Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
