I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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