She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm sobbing to NWA
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
