I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
