Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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