where am i from again
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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