All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
