i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
