And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
