Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
