Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
