Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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