so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
