So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
