Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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