Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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