Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Randomize
