Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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