She said her name was "party"
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Randomize
