You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
