So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
