A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i already hear my dad disowning me
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
