Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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