Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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