God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
