Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
