Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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