Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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