final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Randomize
