Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
