my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
