nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
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