this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
