When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
