my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
