bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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