There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
