Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
