Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
