I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
