Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
