i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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