So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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