Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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