do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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