It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
