New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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