I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
pop tarts are not kleenex
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
