i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
