Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
