I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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