I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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