i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
