the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
