she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
