Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
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