i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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