Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
