i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
