dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize