you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
