whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
