Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
