My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
