Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
