I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
