You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
