So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
