I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
