He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize