you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
she told me i tasted like america
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize