sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
