Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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