I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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