I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize