do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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