i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
