Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
