We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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