After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
