Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
