I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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