Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
it's like iHOP with fire
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
