Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
