Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Randomize
