I want to stick my p in your. b.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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