can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
