Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
